My reflection blog this
week is to talk about the nuances associated with body language, paralanguage,
and hidden agendas. Additionally, I will reflect on situations where I was
exposed to incongruent messages, to include how I felt during this times.
Body Language
Communicating is something we do everyday,
whether it is verbal or non-verbal. It
is defined in the book Messages: The
Communication Skills Book, over 50 percent of a message impact comes from a
person’s body movement. (p59) I have one major body language, the involuntary
eye-roll that always seems to get me into trouble. This body movement gets me
into trouble because I don’t know I am doing it. I had an employee evaluation
about two years ago and my manager let me know that I always rolled my eyes in
general conversation, which comes across as if I do not care. This was very
upsetting to me because I am not the type of person who intentionally is rude
to other people. I appreciate my boss letting me know about this body language, as I can control my reactions better.
The opposite of eye roll is a natural
ability to smile, which is considered a “universal sign that someone is happy.” (Psycholigia, 2016) Smiling is
something that is involuntary as well. My current manager made a comment in a
meeting recently when asking if anyone had any issues. My manager looked at me
and made a comment that I was always happy, always with a smile. On this
particular day, I had an issue to bring up to the team. I realized the happy
smile has a potential to mask expressions or feelings. However, having a smile
during a presentation puts the audience at ease that the communication is
embraced with a happy ambiance.
Paralanguage
Paralanguage is the “vocal component of
speech” such as the “pitch, resonance, articulation, tempo, volume and rhythm.”
(p70) The two components I struggle the most on are volume and
articulation. When it comes to volume, I
am very soft spoken and always require a microphone. A good portion of volume
comes from being almost deaf as a child, which required four surgeries to
correct my hearing loss. But when I talk I feel like I am screaming, when in
return the volume is very low. I have been told in the past that I need to
speak up in a meeting or conference. To prevent being told to speak up, I ask
up front if the audience can hear me.
The next component paralanguage is articulation,
which is a personal struggle. The main issue with articulation is the speed in
which I actually speak. There is a joke in my home that I talk about a hundred
words per minute, and it is hard for people to keep up with the conversation.
The second recent change in my articulation is the result of getting adult
braces. In the last few months I have had to slow down dramatically in talking
to make sure I pronounce the words exactly how they are intended. Sometimes
when I speak it sounds like I am drunk, when in reality my lips get caught on
the braces. The other issue is I have to be extremely careful when I speak with
braces, as I tend to involuntarily spit on people.
Hidden
Agendas
When it comes to hidden agendas, I
definitely was faced with this during the last week and will be for some time.
The “I’m Tough” is the hidden agenda that I can relate too. This past week my
daughter who was 24 weeks pregnant was told the baby had no heart beat. My
heart was broken, especially for her. I spent the last three days in a hospital
trying to be the strong person for her, as she had to still go through labor
and delivery the baby. We are very blessed to be surrounded by people that love
us. Many times throughout the last few days I would be asked if I was okay, and
I would say, “I am tough, we will get through this.” This is a mask of my true
feelings, but I have to keep my daughters emotions the forefront and make sure
everything is taken care of for the funeral, etc. I think we use these types of hidden agendas,
because we don’t want other to think that we are weak or incompetent. (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009)
The other hidden agenda, relating to the
same story, is the “I’m good”. During this traumatic event, I have opened my
home to my daughter’s father’s side of the family. I don’t talk to these people,
nor do I particularly like them. My daughter keeps asking if I am okay, and I
let her know that I am good, even though I am not. Sometimes in life we have to
use the hidden agendas to mask feelings, to remove potential conflict.
Additionally, my daughter is already hurting and I wouldn’t want o put any more
hurt into situation. (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009)
Incongruent
Messages
Incongruent
messaging happens when “non-verbal and verbal communication does not
match”. I would imagine in analysis of
my daughter’s situation and her other side of the family visiting, that I am
giving all types of incongruent messaging. An example is my other daughter’s
oldest child is almost 2 years old. He is like a little minion with no food
filter, and zero control of his volume, which is a high-pitched scream every
time he talks. For example this morning, I told him he has to stop eating in
the living room with his food that crumbles, but then I turn around and give
him finger foods and let him walk around the house while eating. (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009)
Conclusion
I am aware of the body
language issues that I use which create a negative vibes in communication. Although
the eye roll is involuntary, I am aware of it and can work towards not doing it
when communicating with others. My paralanguage is something I will need to continue
to improve on, especially the volume of my voice. I feel the practicing of
telling stories and giving, will improve volume based on increased confidence. When it comes to hidden agendas, I think one
has to be careful to not send the wrong message that could hurt others. In my daughters’
case, it could be perceived there is a hidden agenda, but in reality there is
not. I need to be extremely careful to make sure my verbal and non-verbal
communication is aligned to not send incongruent messages. I think the
incongruent messaging is the hardest to overcome as we do it without realizing
we are doing it.
References:
McKay, M.,
Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills
Book. Niew Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Psycholigia. (2016, April 16). Body Language and Smiling
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